Do all relationships have to work out? I’m often faced with this question in one form of another in my work with couples. As a couple’s therapist I would like to be able to help every couple that comes to me asking for help. The truth is that it’s not always the case. Here are some common reasons relationships do not work out:
- Not being fully invested into the relationship.
- Difficulty Trusting.
- Inability to forgive the other for the mistakes made in the past.
- Abuse, either physically, psychologically or emotionally.
- Unrealistic Expectations, which usually leads to focusing on the negative.
- The existence of an addiction or a mental illness with or without treatment.
- Failure to communicate needs in the relationship.
- Lack of respect for each other.
- Inability to reach compromises when opposite ideals, opinions, or beliefs.
- Difficulty dedicating time to the relationship.
- Believing that one “needs” a partner instead of wanting to be with partner
- Fear. Different fears apply: Fear of losing a partner or jealousy, fear of settling for less, often referred to as “the grass is greener on the other side,” and fear of commitment.
It is important to mention that each one of these areas needs to be addressed separately, either individually or with partner. If a couple comes to therapy in an effort to improve their relationship and work on any of these areas, one or both partners may find it difficult, as a result the couple discontinues therapy usually at an early stage. At times, couples do not even make it to therapy. If this is the case, one or both partners decide to end the relationship. There are no warranties that the person that you’re in a relationship with is the person for you. However, if the previous issues are identified and worked on, relationships can last and be filled with love and joy.